Bruised banana

It's been a while yo. Craycee stuff has been happening so i apologise, but yeah gunna try and blog every now and then. Anyways, yeah i went to brisbane for 5 days. Left last thursday night and came back on monday at 10ish am. It was pretty fun. Visited the boyfriend :) Met his family and such. It was good. I enjoyed myself :) Needed a couples days off from the melbourne life. I CAME BACK SICK THOUGH LOL. WHO GETS SICK IN BRISBANE?!


But yeah, all in all, it was good :) it's titled bruised banana because i feel like a bruised banana. He bit me T^T. He calls them love bites. Crazy person he is.

Warning: This post contains copious amount of 'fuck'.

Don't you hate it when you finally get over someone. You're finally okay. Then randomly, you receive a text from them and suddenly all the emotions you once felt before come straight back. It fucking sucks. And it fucking pisses me off. Fucking fuck of fucks.

Excuse my language. I'm just not in a happy mood at the moment. Yes. That^ happened to me today and it's bugging me so much. And it's screwing with my mind. And i fucking hate that person. So fucking much. You fucking asshole. Fucking fuck. ASDFGHJKL GRRRRRR. I want to fucking rant to you. Actually, i'm gunna rant.

Fucking call me a snob? ME? Atleast i fucking tried to fucking keep our fucking friendship together. And what did you do you? "Why are you talking to me?". "Stop talking to me". SO DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE CALL ME A FUCKING SNOB YOU FUCKING FUCK. I tried. And you fucking didnt. So i fucking gave up. Are you fucking happy now? I'm doing as you fucking wish. I'm trying to make you fucking happy. See? I'm not talking to you anymore! Fucking yay right?

I don't understand why now. NOW. FUCKING NOW. You text. Why couldn't you fucking text me before? Why couldn't you fucking try like i did? Shit happened. I know i was an idiot and i fucked things up. I apologized didn't i? I fucking tried my best to make things okay again. But you didn't. Why didn't you try?? Why didn't you fucking try?? How did we become like this? Why are we like this now? And why do i feel like this? I don't understand my feelings anymore. I don't understand anything anymore. I hate you so much. I fucking hate you. I hate that you're such a dick. I hate that you're cocky. I hate how you snobbed me after i poured out my feelings to you. I hate how you didn't fucking try. I hate how you make me feel. I just. ASDFGHJKL. Sigh.

I miss you. I fucking miss you. And i fucking hate myself for that. I fucking hate myself for feeling like this. Why now? Now when i'm doubting him and my feelings. Why is it now, right in the middle of it, you talk to me again? Fucking why? I don't understand you. Why can't you just be honest with me? Sigh. I hate you so much. But i hate myself more. I don't even know why these feelings are here. And towards you. I don't know why. I don't fucking know. Fuck.

You asshole.

Random post

I've always wanted to dance. To be able to let out my emotions differently. To be able to choreograph my own dances. What sucks is i never had the chance to learn. Just like how i always wanted to be in a basketball team. I was so ready in year six. Told my mum and everything. Her response: 'okay soon'. I never joined one. Which is why i dislike asking her to do stuff that involve money and her consent. Because it's never going to happen.

I hate it cause it's always money that's been the problem. 'Sorry i don't have enough money to give to you'. 'I need the money'. 'Just go next time, i don't have money'. 'You don't pay rent'. Fair enough i don't but still. Ignore this rambling paragraph.

Back to topic. Yeah. I've always wanted to dance. I guess i'm gunna self teach like i already have with many things. Wish me luck :)

LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL DANCE IS UNF.
To think a creation so complex can do something so beautiful.

Worst battle: What i know VS What i feel

Been ages true? I've been busy :( MY BAD! But yeah :) I came across the title^ in tumblr and it got me thinking. It's so true isn't it?

How difficult is it to set your mind at ease when you are battling through it? You're either in the case of knowing something you wish you didn't and feeling all these mixed up emotions because of it; trying to deny it and look past it. Or you know you shouldn't but your feelings are too much and take over it, and you may act upon those feelings which may or may not ruin things. How troublesome.

I'll admit i've been in situation 1. Oh how much i wish i could look past it. But i can't. And because it's so difficult, my mind then stuffs up how i feel and i tend to act upon it. I act differently. I become lost. It's just a big mess.

I honestly don't know what advice to give in these situations. I don't think theres anything anyone can say. You can't tell someone to 'forget' what they already know. And you can't tell someone to simply, 'get over it' or for them to 'calm their farm'. Anything along the lines of that. It's easier said than done. And it must suck for those people who don't talk about it with anyone. Here's the best i could say though:

Time is what you basically need. It could take weeks, months, maybe even a year. But you will eventually learn to not let it bother you as much. And your feelings will eventually be controllable. There will come a time where this battle will end and your mind will be at ease. Time and patience is essential.

AND PLUS. YOU GOT ROSE! And i'm always here to help in the best way i can :) text, call, no matter what the time.