My boyfriend forgot how old i was. </3

99 Questions

Awww shiet. Haven't blogged in yonks and i apologise for that. BUT I'M BACK! for today only :D. I was surfing on the net but then i fell off my board and stumbled across a list of questions. Theres like, 99 LOL but enjoy :)

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? CLOSED. Monsters with tentacles are gunna kill me while i sleep
2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? I've never been to a hotel
3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Out, i get hot easily
4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No...
5: Do you like to use post-it notes? Yes actually
6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? No, i make them into boats
7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Well.. Either way i'd die. Bear will claw my face off. Bee's will kill me since im allergic. I DON'T LIKE THIS QUESTION.
8: Do you have freckles? No but i love freckles. They cute :D
9: Do you always smile for pictures? No, usually i'd be doing a retarded face but yeah 8)
10: What is your biggest pet peeve? Hummm... Not sure really... OH! WHEN PEOPLE GIVE BOOKS BOOKMARKS BY BENDING THE CORNER OF THE PAGE AND WHEN THEY CHUCK BOOKS LIKE ITS ONLY A CHUNK OF DEAD TREE. BETCH I WILL KILL YOU
11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? No.... Who does that?
12: Have you ever peed in the woods? No.. i dont know how to squat and pee LOL
13: What about pooped in the woods? Again, i can't squat, and i'd probably never try to take a deuce in the woods
14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? YES LOL in my room, break out into a dance
15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? I chew the cap of my pen :)
16: How many people have you slept with this week? Well, 4. Winnie the Pooh, Hello Kitty, Green Mushroom and White Angry Bird. <3
17: What size is your bed? Tis a double
18: What is your Song of the week? YOU A STUPID HOE, YOU A YOU A STUPID HOE, thanks david x0
19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Yeah, just a colour. And i reckon it looks good on guys, reaaaally good ;D
20: Do you still watch cartoons? SHIT YEAH
21: Whats your least favorite movie? Uhmmm.. not sure really
22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? I'd be a pirate sailing the SEAS
23: What do you drink with dinner? Usually water, but if i could choose, MOUNTAIN DEW<3
24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Sweet and sour sauce
25: What is your favorite food? I don't really have but: mango, watermelon, sushi, vegetable soup 8) and probably completos
26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Not sure
27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? Andy Lieu
28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Nope
29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Piss off, who do you think i am? *kicks box of nude mags under bed*
30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Uhmm.. Last week? Two weeks ago? Somewhere there
31: Can you change the oil on a car? YEAH did automechanics at school :)
32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Need for speed, freaking fines these days
33: Ever ran out of gas? Nope ;D
34: Favorite kind of sandwich? Nutella and peanut butter and nutella with original chips/zig zag twisties :) I have odd taste buds. I usually mix everything
35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? I don't usually eat breakfast but: eggs on toast with orange and mango juice and chocolate croissants :)
36: What is your usual bedtime? Use to be 10:30-11. Now it's like 12-4 LOL
37: Are you lazy? Every now and then
38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? I never did halloween as a kid
39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? Da piggy!
40: How many languages can you speak? Fluently? 1 LOL.
41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nope
42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Legos, no idea what the shit lincoln logs are
43: Are you stubborn? YES LOL <3 but depends on what :)
44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman? I will kill them both, nah kidding. Only Letterman. NO I KID, i'll let them live. For now.
45: Ever watch soap operas? Nope
46: Are you afraid of heights? Nope
47: Do you sing in the car? Yes
48: Do you sing in the shower? Yes
49: Do you dance in the car? Yes... LOL
50: Ever used a gun? Yeah.. Killed alot of people. But hey, isn't that the objective of COD?
51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? When i was a kid. Probably 7? Ierno
52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? Yes but i love it
53: Is Christmas stressful? If its a must to buy presents, then yeah. Buying presents for 13 cousins plus their parents? Shit LOL
54: Ever eat a pierogi? What the shit is that?
55: Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple? It's the only one i've had LOL
56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? A pirate :)
57: Do you believe in ghosts? Maybe..
58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yes
59: Take a vitamin daily? Use to but not anymore
60: Wear slippers? My mario ones or yoshi ones every now and then 8)
61: Wear a bath robe? Nope
62: What do you wear to bed? Usually shorts and a singlet or a real baggy top. And sometimes no pants :) and if its cold as balls, pj's that my friend bought me. Why? Because that's the only source of pjs i have 8)
63: First concert? 1, 2, 3, 4. HIGH FIVE
64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? K-MART <3
65: Nike or Adidas? Adidas
66: Cheetos Or Fritos? None, never tried either
67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Humm.. sunflower seeds :)
68: Ever heard of the group Tres Bien? Yes actually
69: Ever take dance lessons? No :( always wanted to though
70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Future spouse? If that means future bride then sorry but i like men :)
71: Can you curl your tongue? Sort of
72: Ever won a spelling bee? Was never in one
73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Once only
74: Own any record albums? Use to
75: Own a record player? Use to
76: Regularly burn incense? Vat?
77: Ever been in love? I'd say so
78: Who would you like to see in concert? SIMPLE PLAN <3
79: What was the last concert you saw? The high five one LOL
80: Hot tea or cold tea? Hot tea, but i like ice tea so if that's considered as cold tea then i like both
81: Tea or coffee? TEA FOR SURE. Coffee can go suck sugar cubes
82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? AHAHAHHAHA SNICKERDOODLES! I've never tried them so probably sugar xD
83: Can you swim well? Nope 8D
84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? I think i can LOL
85: Are you patient? Majority of the time
86: DJ or band, at a wedding? I don't care
87: Ever won a contest? Basketball shooting contest 8)
88: Ever have plastic surgery? No..
89: Which are better black or green olives? Green taste better by itself
90: Can you knit or crochet? I tried knitting, i made a ball of yarn :D
91: Best room for a fireplace? A kick back room. Neither a loungeroom or a study room or whatever, just a room. If you've been to my house, the room where my projector is
92: Do you want to get married? I am already ;) but married again? Eventually
93: If married, how long have you been married? My husband does not want to say how long 8)
94: Who was your HS crush? I'm still in highschool but the one that lasted through all the years since year seven is probably Jimmy Nguyen, oh and this year twelve kid known as Shiny LOL funny story that is
95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No, the shit, im not -- i'd shouldn't name :)
96: Do you have kids? YEAH TOTES TOOTS
97: Do you want kids? Yeah i would probably want in the future
98: Whats your favorite color? Black, blue, white, orange :) Other colours dont bother me unless it's maroon or green
99: Do you miss anyone right now? Yes i do..

And there goes another one.

Over and over again

It's just deja vu. And its getting to the point where im stopping and realising how repetitive it is. I'm gunna give up. No matter what decision i make, someone always ends up hurt. And it's been happening for years. And sometimes to the same person. And i hate that im the reason they're hurting. I know it doesn't really make sense. I'm not really explaining what it is and what my 'wrong' decisions are based about. And i don't really want to say what it is because i don't want people blaming themselves for my decision of giving up.

All i'm gunna say is: no more.

'Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.'

                                          - Plato

I'm still alive but i'm barely breathing

I've been called emo, depressing, and had emo references for a long time now. Annoying? Yes, but i guess if you've experienced it for ages you get use to it. It's kind of tiring hearing those names. And even when i'm happy i still get called it. Sometimes just by the way i 'dress'. Tiring. Oh so tiring. But eh. Here's to all you people:

Broken yet holding on

Something's wrong. Something's terribly wrong. With me. And i don't know what it is. Limbo. That's the best way to describe my feelings. Feelings that i'm not even sure exists. I'm starting to lose my grip on what's real and what's not. I'm still me, but i've lost my mind and i don't know where it is.

I don't know if my dreams are dreams. If they are reality or not. I'm too afraid to sleep. I'm too scared. I'm scared to close my eyes for a long time. And my dreams. My dreams scare me. Nightmare? No. Nightmares require you to wake with your heart pumping abnormally. No, they aren't nightmares. In my dreams, i'm always there. I can see myself. I can see through my eyes. I can see people i know, dying. Screaming. In pain. Dying.

Sometimes they try to grab me. So many arms. Pulling and tugging me. Worst part? I can't move. I can wriggle out of their grip. But that's all i can do. It's too hard to leave. To run away from them. I'm pinned down and unable to run away. But when a chance showed itself, i remember running. I run and turn around to face them. They're burning. They're screaming in pain. Burning away. Worst part? I'm the fault.

But want to know the most scariest bit? I'm slowly losing myself. I took a whole day off of school. Doing what? I just stayed in my room and stared out the window. I didn't know what to do. Day by day i feel that i'm losing myself more. I don't know whats the real cause. My dreams? My feelings? My home life? My school life? My social life? Maybe all of them. They're becoming too hard to handle. I'm not as strong as i thought i was. But i can still hold on. Right?

All this waiting, to find out that i have to wait much longer. I feel too lost to respond.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Tumblr

Yeah i know, i know. I said tumblr got gay, yada yada. But eh LOL. Made a new one :)

www.mangocolada.tumblr.com

It's called that because i had a mango colada (bubblecup) in the city today. And cause it's yum. And i love mango. And yeah. Thats it.

:)

Clueless

Ever have one of those days where you don't feel happy? You just feel sad and you don't know why and everything just seems depressing. Ever had it for longer then a week? I have. I feel like it now and i don't know why. Everyday just seems to drag and drag and drag. And sometimes i'm neither sad nor happy. I'm... i don't even know. Neutral? I feel clueless on how to feel about things. Or people. No, it's not emotional numbness. I've had that before and it isn't the same.

It's like, when i wake up from a dream, i don't know if where i am right now is real or not. Or if the dream i had wasn't a dream and it actually happened. Then the day just seems to feel so long. I feel like my memory gets fuzzier with every day that passes. And i don't know whats wrong. I seem to lose interest in food now. I eat at least twice a day. And i don't mean to not eat, i love food. Food is like, sex for your stomach. It's a lap dance for your tongue. But anyway, i have no idea what's going on with me.

I don't know if it's because of how i'm waiting and it's making me anxious? Or maybe it's because i realised i can't fix what i've broken? Or the recent talk with a friend just made me realise how fcked up and tiring my life is? And maybe i should stop trying? I don't know. So many theories to why i'm feeling like this, too many to choose just one so... maybe it's all of them? Whatever the case, it's draining me and making me sad. Or happy. Neutral? I don't know. I just don't like it.

Fml lol. I think i do need to stop trying to fix what i've broken. Sigh. ASDFGHJKL. Wtf is wrong with me.

CBF

Yeah, don't feel like blogging. So just chucked a photo to update it since i said i'll update dailyish. Stuff at home? Tiring and depressing lol. Add that with school and homework and you get dead. Ahhh, life.

'A drunk mind speaks a sober heart.'

That saying is true. When i had gotten drunk, i remember that i had a deep conversation with my friends brother. And when i say deep, i mean deep. We were talking and he asked me questions about my friend, words just kept coming out of my mouth. I didn't think what to say, they just came out and i guess my eyes reacted to my words. I could remember i was wiping tears away while talking.

When i look back at the messed up memory of that conversation, i realised that i answered a question that i'd been pondering for more then a year now. I was always so indecisive about it and i was so lost on what to do. Being drunk and my friends brother being there actually helped answer it. It's weird. I'd been freaking out on what to do when the answer was a couple shots away hahah.

When your drunk, your heart speaks. It's like all your logical thinking and doubting died. All your shields crash, no more hiding that sad face. It's a crazy experience.

I actually want to thank my friend for having that party. I'll give him a hug tomorrow. I'd get a 'wtf' face but eh :)

'Hey! i'm not rose atm, I'M DRUNK!'

It was my friends birthday yesterday (03.MAR) and we hung out at cairnlea park. Met pretty cool people. And had weird encounters with some of them... BUT ANYWAY. Was a good night. Was my first time.. *drum roll* getting drunk :). The title refers to something i said when my friend called me up. My memory of that night is really hazy. I remember bits and pieces. But all in all, crazy as :).

So, i really needed to pee, after drinking around 6-7 shots of who knows what, and 2 cans of elevate, me and two new friends i made walked to Coles to pee. Only cause i didn't know how to squat LOL. I was alright at that time. I was a tad bit tipsy but still managed to walk. Right after me and my friend peed, we went hard out weird. Everything was fast and slow at the same time. We pissed our selves at everything we saw when we walked back to the group. We drank abit more but shh.

I'm just gunna dot point stuff i remember.
- i kept repeating someones address... i don't know why.. LOL.
- i laid on the grass and non-stop talked to my friends brother, it was a dnm conversation, i found out a couple of stuff and he got out stuff from me. If i remember right LOL
- i forgot my friends umbrella on the bench :( i think a homeless person took it
- i kept hugging someone
- me and my friends conversation:
me: *drinks a little bit of alcohol* "... ew, alcohol tastes yuck" friend: "i know right like, ew". me: "yeah it tastes like shit AHAHHAHAHA" friend: "AHAHAHAHHA"
- my friends dad came out of no where LOL. i think i apologised to him and he said "it's okay, i was young once *smiles*" awesome as dad, i swear
- i shat myself cause i saw a cat
- i vomitted :(
- i kept asking the birthday boy if my friend could sleepover, why? no freaking clue

And other stuff i think but cant be bothered mentioning :) I also remember some of my friends taking care of me. And laughing LOL. But yeah, i thanked them in the morning :) GUISE. When you get drunk, you honestly don't remember what you did the night before. So think before you drink. So cheesy 8)

A valentine poem

Vengeful.

A happy end,
just an eight-lettered excuse.
Fantasy’s aren’t real,
God you sabotaged my life.
Princesses just get those roles,


those scripts are not existent,
Figment of my dreams.
These dolls in my room sitting,
With no emotions.
Every dusk to dawn,


And this melancholic morning.
I rewrite the pages now,
Of these fake fairytales.

- Mark Nguyen; 14.FEB.2012

My friend wrote it and i thought it was amazing. It's deep, meaningful, and i just love it. He be cool :)