Clueless

Ever have one of those days where you don't feel happy? You just feel sad and you don't know why and everything just seems depressing. Ever had it for longer then a week? I have. I feel like it now and i don't know why. Everyday just seems to drag and drag and drag. And sometimes i'm neither sad nor happy. I'm... i don't even know. Neutral? I feel clueless on how to feel about things. Or people. No, it's not emotional numbness. I've had that before and it isn't the same.

It's like, when i wake up from a dream, i don't know if where i am right now is real or not. Or if the dream i had wasn't a dream and it actually happened. Then the day just seems to feel so long. I feel like my memory gets fuzzier with every day that passes. And i don't know whats wrong. I seem to lose interest in food now. I eat at least twice a day. And i don't mean to not eat, i love food. Food is like, sex for your stomach. It's a lap dance for your tongue. But anyway, i have no idea what's going on with me.

I don't know if it's because of how i'm waiting and it's making me anxious? Or maybe it's because i realised i can't fix what i've broken? Or the recent talk with a friend just made me realise how fcked up and tiring my life is? And maybe i should stop trying? I don't know. So many theories to why i'm feeling like this, too many to choose just one so... maybe it's all of them? Whatever the case, it's draining me and making me sad. Or happy. Neutral? I don't know. I just don't like it.

Fml lol. I think i do need to stop trying to fix what i've broken. Sigh. ASDFGHJKL. Wtf is wrong with me.