Been ages, true?

Yes, it has been YONKS. I have no net at home and it is killing me. I started reading again. IT IS SO BORING. And my phones an ass to use the internet. But anypoop, vas up 8)

So nothing new. Had an early bday party. Wasn't as good as you'd think. It kinda sucked. But the sleepover really cheered me up :)

So booked til new years. Theres three birthday parties, christmas, and a dinner. Speaking of dinner, I'm hungry 8) so like yeah.. this is a short odd post. But oh well, TOOTLES.

Meant to

It was meant to be, it was meant to happen, blah di blah blah. Destiny? Fate? Or whatever the deuce you wanna call it. I kinda believe it. Kinda. Like, I know everything happens for a reason. And I kinda live life like.. if something happened, good or bad, it was meant to. And I was meant to make that choice or I was meant to be with that person or I was meant to be who I am now and I'm meant to think how I think right now. And yeah, alot of things just slide by.

Like, when something major happens, I just think it was meant to happen and then im all okay about it. I've become so carefree. And nothing really bothers me. I dont mind ANYTHING. Well mostly anything. And it's like, when something happens and I'm meant to be angry, I'm not as angry as I'm suppose to be?

But anyway, destiny. It's weird cause sometimes the choices you made in your past creep back and you start to question: are you meant to go back to that? And you start to over think and then it just gets crazy.

It really is confusing. Especially when the past comes back. What the heck do you do?

Emotional outburst

I hate you. I cant stand to live in the same house as you. I cant stand to look at you let alone having to share what was mine. Having to isolate myself in my room because your presence disgusts me. I. Hate. You.

I cant live here anymore. I have a feeling im gunna starve myself to death in my room. Or probably end up breaking promises. And ive tried so hard...

Sigh, i'd write more but i really cbs on my phone, no net on lappy. And plus,
I feel sad.

Tears of joy

I've never had tears of joy, til yesterday.

I always wanted to know the feeling of it and I always wondered how people could be that happy that they would cry. I always found it weird. How can you cry? But I cant say that anymore :) I finally experienced tears of joy.

It is WEIRD. You're so happy and I guess its overwhelming. For me Ive been waiting months for a letter to come in that I started losing hope in it ever arriving. I soon forgot about it. Kind of. Maybe. I DID FOR A WEEK AND A DAY OKAY? Anyweigh, yah Ive been waiting and waiting and waiting then, miraculously, THE LETTER ARRIVES! I was so happy that I ran to my room and started crying. I was happy, nervous, sad, and excited all at the same time.

Happy because it finally arrived. Nervous because I was scared for what was written inside. Sad because it took soooooo long to come and excited because, well just because.

Ahhhh I've lost my tear-of-joy-ginity :')

I'm really happy ^^

LOOOOL

I showed my friend scott this wonderful sexy photo:

his response:

scott says:

*that is so pretty

rose, (W) says:

*i know

scott says:

*i want that on my ceiling

rose, (W) says:

*i want that in my shower

scott says:

*wow

*in your shower

rose, (W) says:

*what?

*no

*you said that

scott says:

*i want the man himself in my shower

Summers a betch

No not the person, the damn season.

So its been like, yonks since i've written, not really but yeah. YONKS I TELL YOU. But yeah, hi. I really dislike summer. I always get sick. And not just the sniffles and a little cough here. I GET SICK. Like, come-near-me-and-i'll-booger-infest-you sick. I have a fever. My nose is like a tap. I cough like a man. My voice sounds like a boy when he hasn't hit puberty. So picky when it comes to food. Headaches that hurt like no tomorrow. I can't tilt my head upside down. My throat hurts. I get dizzy every now and then. ASDJASKDESHTGHSHDFKHJ.

The only good thing about being sick right now is all the sneezing :D

BLESS ME

Weird ROSE fact #9:

Whenever I hear someone sneeze I have to say bless you. Even if it's a complete stranger, I must say bless you. Even when I sneeze, I say bless me LOL

Lets get creepy

Do you ever get that feeling like, when you're with someone you're close to and for some odd reason.. you just wanna hold their hand? Maybe out of curiosity? Hmm, or maybe you just want to but need an excuse to? Ierno.

It's weird true? Having a good time, talking, laughing, yada blah then suddenly, out of the blue, you long to hold their hand. Or maybe it's just me? Well, I've felt like that before. I even told my friend about it and the first thing that he said was "DON'T TELL ME YOU LIKE HIM". My response? A smile and me running 8)

But yeah, that feeling is weird. Comes out of no where. And if you do actually grab their hand, you will probably get a wtf face, which kinda sucks. And then it becomes awkward like a fish.

DBSK - Why did I fall in love with you

(Tis a good song, one of my favourites. Kinda feels relevant lol)

English lyrics: Why did I end up falling for you?

Why did I end up falling for you?

No matter how much time has passed,

I thought that you would always be here

But you have chosen a different road

Why wasn't I able to convey to you?

My feelings that were growing everyday and night

The words begin to overflow

But I know they won't reach you now

From the first day that I met you

I felt like I knew you

And the two of us melded together so naturally

Wherever we would go, it would be together

It was so natural for you to be with me

We became adults together

But you chose a different road

Why did I end up falling for you?

No matter how much time has passed,

I thought that you would always be here (but not anymore)

Today, the day that holds a special meaning

The day that you stood with a smile of happiness

Praying to God in your beautiful appearance

With the person next to you who isn't me

The image of you receiving blessings

How could I just stand aside and watch

So why did I end up falling for you?

We can't go back to that time, or how we were (I've thought it through)

Why wasn't I able to take your hand?

No matter how much time passes

You always should've been by my side

Now it will never come true

But, even though I say that I need you close to me

I just pray that you will be happy forever

No matter how lonely that makes me (or how sad)

you gotta

Weird ROSE fact #8:

I cannot, under any circumstances, sleep with my cupboard open.

Why? No not the boogieman, I killed him. I think it's cause I find it scary 8) and my mind starts picturing these evil octopus hands coming to grab me LOL

jump if you're happy

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

This was taken in year 9 (2010). Me and my friends attempted to take those photos where people jump and it looks awesome and they look perfect AND it looks easy.

It's freaking hard. I tried it out first and omgsh, EXCUSE MY FACE LOL i think i jumped and said 'EHHHHH'

We took heaps but I left them out :) they too funny 8)

Tharrs another one below matey !

I always laugh when I look at these photos xD

My yoshi

This is my yoshi :D

Through out year seven it's been hung on many bags and been down someones pants. Sadly...

IT'S LOST NOW </3

No idea who took it but GRRR YOU ASSFACE. This is the only photo I have of it :(

Person in the back is the almighty jimmy nguyen :D
(taken in year 7, 2008)

The new year

I remember a friend of mine told me that if you cry on new years eve, you'll have a crappy new year. At first I'm like 'whaaat? chu crazy man' and didn't really believe him. Like honestly, can't be true right? Tis just poppy cock.

BUT. Yes buttocks. Last new years eve, I did cry. And this year was the worst year of my life so far. So much shit happened. So much drama. So much hurting. Just, SOOOO much. And now that I look back at that saying, it makes me believe it. So, I've promised myself that the new years eve coming up I will not cry. I will not think negative on my birthday. I will be happy. Hopefully..

Though there were alrite stuff that happened this year. Made new friends which is pretty good. Doesn't mount to the one I lost but it's still pretty good x] I think that's the only good thing that happened.. Yeah it is LOL. I feel sad.

Cameroid BOREDOM

oink 

meow

.... quack?

HADOKEN!!

Face Palm Krilin.

LOOOOOL GET IT GET IT? :D

My friend Karly made it up and omgsh i can't get over it. Shes funny 8)

Curiosity

I'm a really, really curious person. Too curious actually. I remember a while back I was curious to know how a burn felt. So I poured boiled water on my hand. I'M NOT CRAZY, curiosity just gets the best of me 8)

There's heaps of things I'm curious about. I wanna know how it feels to swim with sharks, or to create something that becomes famous or to see if I can sail the world, blah di blah blah. Sometimes I get really curious about daily things that I wanna wreck it apart and see how it works then put it back together for fun.

And I also get really curious to what kind of a relationship I might have with certain guys. But then sometimes when I think about that kinda stuff, I make a decision badly. Like, if a biffle of mine liked me I would overthink about everything and it's like curiosity leaves me completely and I have to find results. Kinda bad, but I'm starting to not think of what happens after when it comes to this kinda stuff. If I like someone and they like me then I'm just gunna go for it. Sort of. Maybe. Not really. SHUT UP. Not looking for anyone but still.

And yeah, I'm a curious flower.

feeling low?

like a turtle do?

LOOOOOOLLLLL so like yeah 8)

I took this photo at highpoint (20 NOV 11) with my friend David and we started talking about something, forgot what, and we started sticking out our necks so I took a photo attempting to look like a turtle.

Don't think I did a good job but hey, tis a good photo anyway yah?

CLOSE ENOUGH !

:D

My old hair

  I MISS IT SO MUCHHH :(

  yeah leave my face here alone LOL

  ITS THE HAIR THAT MATTERS

*cries*

2 more years rose, 2 more years

Weird ROSE fact #7:

So the last few posts were pretty depressing so I thought I should lighten the mood with a weird rose fact :D

Okay so, I really hate the number seven. Like reaaalllyyy. To me seven is a bad luck number. Previous things that happened either had a seven in the date or the date added up to seven. Yeah I get crazy LOL.

:)

The future is scary, but you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar. Yes it's tempting, 

but it's a mistake.

That feeling you get

When you need to talk to someone but everyone just turns into these people with masks who make promises they don't keep. The feeling of having trust issues.

Everyone has atleast one person who they could say anything to and not be judged. Who would keep there secrets and be there for them no matter what the time. To give advice. To be your source of sane in a world of crazy. To just be there in general. Not having to do anything. Just listening to what you need to let out would help in many ways. Everyone atleast has someone like that. Or use to.

It sucks when you tell someone your most deepest secret. How you honestly feel about something. And when you make them promise you not to do anything about it or say anything to anyone, they break it. Shattered? To the core.

You'd think they wouldn't do anything. Or atleast wouldn't go telling people about it. And it seems like at that point, the point where people know and the result of their actions, you just feel so lost and insecure. People just turn into these masked clowns. Happy chappy and all cool with you and your secrets but behind the face paint is just someone staring at you with an evil smirk. So your just left with your thoughts. Racing within you; trying to find a way out. Shouting at you. Creating worse thoughts. Clouding your mind like a mother fudger. And soon, thoughts and life just become harder and harder to deal with.

Though along the way you find someone who comes close to being that someone you trust fully, but suddenly they give you a reason not to. Not always though. People are lucky. I'm just not one of them.

One day Rose, one day.

Mega-sigh

It's like to certain people, I just cbf hiding that somethings wrong. But then to others I hide it like no freaking tomorrow. I don't know why. I think its either they're the reason, or I feel extremely comfortable with them and wanna talk to them about it but I wait til they notice.

Sigh x infinity.

I'm tired.

In my shoes, just to see

What it's like, to be me

I'll be you, let's trade shoes

Just to see what it would be like.

To feel your pain, you feel mine

Go inside each others' mind

Just to see what we'd find

Look at shit through each others' eyes.

But don't let them say you ain't beautiful

They can all get FUCKED

Just stay true to you

(Beautiful - Eminem: Dedicated by Ludo) <3

Too tired.

So out of it today... The black dog has me within its grasp. Getting too tired to try anymore. It's such a struggle nowadays. Failing in school. Babysitting the kids of the asshole who calls me a slut and continues to say shit about me. Day and night. It's too hard too sleep. Getting lectured about the same thing everytime. I'm starting to get paranoid. Getting self conscious. I feel bad for lying to people when they ask How are you? I'm sorry.. but I'm not good, great, happy, okay.

I feel like I'm drowning in my own mind. The thoughts that go through my head, the problems happening, I can't escape from it. I noticed that I start to think about it more at school. I get quiet moments. But I try to do something stupid or random so my friend's don't ask if I'm alright.

I'm starting to cry more than usual now. Holding it back as much as possible though. I hate crying. But it's like it became a daily thing now. Especially when I can't sleep and I'm left with my thoughts. Oh how I long to sleep. Also, I haven't been eating properly. Don't really want to and not as hungry. Been force feeding myself at times. But then I feel sick and it's like I wanna vomit. Worse thing is that I've been pondering if I should make myself vomit whenever that happens...

So many things I want to do. So many urges. OD. Cut. Run.

What happened to me...

In need of a shoulder

from someone who wouldn't mind me whining. Who would listen to what I have to say. Who won't ignore me like my family. Who will ensure me a hundred times that I'm not a burden. That someone would give me advice, or even if they don't have any, a hug would do. I just need someone who would let me cry on their shoulder. Not saying anything to make me stop. Letting me get everything out. Telling me, "don't hold anything back".

Weird ROSE fact #6:

Weird ROSE fact #5:

I FREAKING LOVE SNEEZING.

And I like getting blood noses. Why? No clue.. BUT IM STILL COOL :D

Right? *rocks back and forth*

Brain dead at 3:40am.

So I was up doing homework and I just finished. YES *dances* But around this time I start to think alot. Like, I started to think how it feels like life is going way too fast. Already it's near the end of the year.. I'm gunna be year eleven in a week. It's freaky right? No? Well, shh.

It made me wonder... when I'm on my death bed, would I say my life was well spent? Would I have time to do everything I wanna do? What the heck do I even wanna do? o.o

THIS CALLS FOR A BUCKET LIST!
next post.

Anypoop, I need sleep :)

That one.

Through life there will always be that one person who you liked more than the rest. And so far I have found that someone. Which sucks. It sucks burnt asshole.

What sucks the most is that you constantly wonder if they still like you. Constantly. They haunt your mind. You're stuck wondering about them. How they are. If they're happy. Do they think about you too. Or is there life better without you. You want to ask but you're either too scared or lost contact with them entirely.

Another sucky thing. No matter how hard you try to forget them, it's impossible. It's like you try to look for them in other people. You might forget them for a while, but eventually they'll come creeping back into your mind. Then there's the songs that remind you of them. Or people might say something that they said. Everything just has a sticky note on it saying they're name. You're heart skips a beat because you thought you saw them. They take up most of your mind. And you wouldn't have thought you'd get this addicted.

The heartbreaking thing is knowing they've got a happier relationship with someone else. Shattering. Then you try and find someone. Proving you're over them. Though... you think you're over them, there will always be feelings for them locked inside. Til perhaps one day, you find another person who becomes that one. Or so you think.

Time won't do shit. Maybe for the lucky ones. But so far, I see no change.

Laugh-A-Lot

This is Trung :)

My recent awesome cool bestie I met only two-three months ago. He is awesome but I'm more awesomer cause... Yeah.

He laughed in nearly ALL the photos I took with him that day... And I have no idea why.. LOL

Taken in my room on Halloween and it was a good, fun day :)

Weird ROSE fact #4:

For some reason I tend to smell bread before putting it in the toaster or making a sandwhich... I really don't know why i do it LOL

TVT

My bestie made me promise him to put something on my wrist so it would prevent me from harming. So I decided to put TVT, his initials plus a name we made that has both our names together. He saw it today and his reaction was:
AWWWWWWWW :D :D :D ^^ ^^ ^^
hehehe the look on his face was sooo.. cute? xD BUT HE FORGOT WHAT IT STOOD FOR so I was shattered :(

(ignore the red paint)

Now they know.

I'm walking down the corridor and the year ten co-ordinator who said he had to talk to me for weeks finally caught me. Been ninja avoiding him for weeks T^T. Anyway, he started talking to me and asked why I hadn't been going school and why I was always late. I told him I had my reasons. So he took me to his office to talk. Oh the joy.

The questions became deeper and the words that made me break and cry was "I've been noticing for the past 2 months how unhappy you look". Honestly, I was REALLY surprised. A teacher notices. What the fish. None of my friends noticed at all. It's weird how he could see past my fake face I put on. Unless he was just bsing then pshh, assface LOL. What made me feel weird was when he made me laugh and he said "See. That laugh. I missed that. I haven't heard you laugh like that in a while". *in head: uhh... you have a wife...*

So after a period of talking to him and answering questions, he said I should talk to a teacher who was with the welfare. Thinking, I say Why not. The teacher sat me down and we talked some more. She made me sign this contract where I would "try not to harm myself again". And if I ever feel shitty I would call someone or go to them if it were at school. And yeah, then after school I hung out with my bestie and other friends of his. Was fun. Felt awkward though cause I had no idea what they were talking about LOL. But they are pretty cool :D

I guess what sucks the most about the whole day is how they had to tell my mum about the self harming. But like I expected she said nothing about it. She's like "You're school called and told me about you slashing your wrists again". And that was about it..

Sighh.

Kebab with extra garlic sauce MATE.

There was a storm today and I must say I quite enjoyed it :D I decided to sit outside and watch the rain. I played guitar and attempted to write a song. I need to anyway.

It's for my bestfriend. I fell into his evil persuasive traps *cough* so now I owe him a cover T^T but decided to make it awesome and special by writing my own lyrics :D pretty fun, I'm kind of nearly finished... maybe.. not really.. alrite, I'm up to verse 1. ALRIGHT... GEE, I'm still thinking how to start it. But I'll get there eventually :D

Anypoodles scroodle, today was... bleh, morning kinda went sucky. I slept at 3:30am and woke up around 7:50ish. Spent the night doing homework for literature and it turned out she was away. *SIGH* also, my daddy called me in the morning and asked why am I being lazy, do I wanna end up like my mum, yada yada blaah. The usual stuff. Always lectures me T^T

But at the moment I'm feeling better. Really hungry but :O I've been craving kebabs ever since Period 3-4 at school. I was in art and randomly my friend's like 'Yeah I'll have a big mac, extra fries, onion rings with a little bit of that mm mm, a kebab with extra garlic sauce mate, a fillet o fish, some chicken frking nuggets and a meat pie, BLOODY OATH oh and some salad ^^' darn her and her yummy food spasm D:

Anyhow, usually I write about a certain topic or some sort but today I felt like talking about what I did :)

SHOOO yeah, tootles :D

When you try your best but you don't succeed.

It sucks. You give it your all and still, you're just rewarded by trying your hardest all over again.

And I guess at times it doesn't bother you. First couple of fails, you can try again. But then when it's just a never ending cycle.. You're just sick of it and you give up, you know? Then you just get use to the feeling of disappointment and you learn to live with it.

I really hate it. And I especially hate the thoughts that come with it. Why? Why do I keep failing? Am I the problem? What is this.. legitimate reason that's making me fail everytime? 

Every single time. Over and over again. I often wonder... what's the use of trying anymore? If all you're gunna get is disappointment? But then again, maybe you're trying for something you'll regret. Or you're trying too hard for the wrong thing, thus disappointment. Maybe when you finally succeed, you'll be left with something you want. But not what you need.

Ponder. Ponder.

Is this what I really want?

Weird ROSE fact #3:

I LOVE the smell of rain :D

It smells fresh and nice and awesome and just lashdkashdfh mmmmm, rain..

Weird ROSE fact #2:

I can't eat chicken with rice.

IT TASTE WEIRD. I eat chicken by itself most of the time :) Fried chicken.. mmmmm... *drools*

No fear.

There are so many things people wanna say or do but they're too scared to. Scared of what people might think. What might happen in the future. Maybe it might destroy what they already had. So many possibilities of what might happen.

But I reckon the worse part is regretting it later on. Having that feeling stir inside of you. And those hateful thoughts about yourself. Why didn't you say it? Why didn't you do it? So stupid, stupid, stupid! That feeling sucks cow nipples.

True that things might get worse, but you never know, it could make things better. And even if it might not work out it could make what you had stronger. You'll never know until you grab the courage to say what you wanna say or do what you wanna do. But there are always limits. You can only go so far til you cross the line.

And I guess what I mean by that is.. You have a limit to the words you use and the actions you do. You cross the line then you end up hurting someone. And it could be someone you're really close with.

So to sum it all up, live as if there's no tomorrow. Live your life with no regrets because it's true when they say life is too short. It's way too short. You never know what could happen. And never make decisions based on other peoples opinions or choices. Never make a decision if you pity them. Because it will only make things harder for you. Have the courage to do things you want to do and to say the things you've been dying to let out. It could help other people. Have no fear.

Weird ROSE fact #1:

I tend to smell people. SCARED? BAHAHAHAH.

But yeah, I have this habit of smelling people. I don't mean to but like.. yeah I just do it LOL. Then I know their scent. Usually I'd tell them 'Hey, you smell nice'. To pretend that they're perfume or whatever is strong and smelling good. But really... *creepy smile*

Biffleness

This was on my tumblr :) Wanted to put it here aswell !

My recently bestfriend sent me this. Met only a couple months ago. No.. around a month ago and we’ve already became really close :).

We’re so alike that it’s crazy. We always have something to talk about and when we hang out we act like weirdos. It makes me feel so curious to what kind of a couple we would make x] What’s odd is that we talked about it and we joke around about it. Saying that we’d be an awesome couple and we’d probably take ages to make decisions since we’re both pretty much followers and not leaders haha x]

Funneh funneh.

Do I get what I want? Do I want what I get?

Thinking. And thinking. And searching. Searching for what? Answers maybe? I don't know.

I want to know what will happen if I choose certain options. Do I end up happy? Will it make things worse? Will I get hurt again? Will it hurt other people? Just bleh. It's frustrating. And it gets me so deep. And sometimes I do things for other people and not me. Well.. mostly always actually. I find it hard to do things for me. It's difficult to see other people unhappy because of my decisions, you know?

Another thing about me is that I can't deliver bad news to someone. It's hard? Which is why I could never be a doctor. And I could never stop blaming myself if I couldn't save them. But anyway, getting off topic.

I want to be with a certain person. But I'm scared to. I want to run away. But I'd be making it worse. I want to leave this place. But then I'd just be selfish. I want to do heaps of things but I stop myself and think about what would happen after. I think too much... I tend to overthink aswell, which isn't really a good thing.. And I know that half of the stuff I want to do will just worry people. And the last thing I wanna be is a burden.

Heaps of my friends tell me to do things for myself once in a while. Things that I want. But I always wonder.. if I get what I want, would I still want it then?

The down side of going out with your bestfriend.

The breakup. That’s the part I dread most when I think about going out with a bestfriend of mine.

What’s great about going out with someone else is that you don’t have any awkwardness with friend’s and such. You can just forget about each other and live life as normal as you can. With a bestfriend, it’s so difficult to continue life normally. I honestly believe that you can’t go back to the way things used to be if you broke up. It’s so freaking hard. You just had so much history together, you know? 

And I reckon that there will always be this awkwardness between you two. No matter how much you try not to let it take over. I nearly went out with my bestfriend. But I rejected him cause I was so scared that I might lose him as a friend. Now that I look back I can’t help but wonder what kind of a couple we would’ve made. What’s worse is that we liked each other continuously. On and off through out the years of knowing each other.

So yeah, the downside of being with your bestfriend is knowing that you can’t go back to being bestfriends.

Though… a downside to not being with your bestfriend is the haunting thought of what would’ve happened if you were together. Maybe you would’ve lasted forever. Maybe you would’ve stayed friends after the break up. Maybe life would’ve been hella better. It sucks. 

And the most hurtful thing that could happen is if they find someone else. Who they stay with forever. And you just start to have all this regret in you. Knowing it’s way too late.

Realising this… Life is too short for regrets.

I guess if your friendship is that strong, it is possible to still be friends after the break up. And if you don’t then there is always a chance to bring that friendship back in the future… right?

She be like

EVENING PEEPOS :)
I'm starting my first post off with an about me kinda thing, there won't be much though cause there's not really much to know about me. But yeah, pretty much an average weirdo.

SO. People know me as rose or rosee. Real name is Rosalie but didn't like that name :) I'm 15 at the moment, gunna be 16 on new years eve, 31st december, chyeahh 8D Uhmm, I'm halfcast. Filo and lebo. Pretty odd mix hey? I act more of a filo then a lebo.

I like food. Favourite is probably.. No idea LOL. I like icecream! My favourite chocolate is Rocky Road. I like eating fruit and vegetables 8) I don't like pumpkin but.. Or mushierooms, they taste bleh. I am really tall. 172cm last time I checked. I don't wear makeup, only on special days such as halloween, and if my mum asks LOL but besides that I dont really wear any, unless mascara is counted as one then nieh, sometimes.

I'm random :) and pretty lame. I make my own jokes and usually find everything funny. I laugh really loud, and my laugh sounds so stupid omgsh. Uhh, I dont really open up to people. Having trust issues, its kinda hard to do that. I'm pretty dopey and slow. But smart at times when I can be bothered and if I'm not hyper. But yeah... I think that's it.

I just noticed that this is alot LOL well anypoo, I'll be writing daily maybe.
So adios :)
~