Too tired.

So out of it today... The black dog has me within its grasp. Getting too tired to try anymore. It's such a struggle nowadays. Failing in school. Babysitting the kids of the asshole who calls me a slut and continues to say shit about me. Day and night. It's too hard too sleep. Getting lectured about the same thing everytime. I'm starting to get paranoid. Getting self conscious. I feel bad for lying to people when they ask How are you? I'm sorry.. but I'm not good, great, happy, okay.

I feel like I'm drowning in my own mind. The thoughts that go through my head, the problems happening, I can't escape from it. I noticed that I start to think about it more at school. I get quiet moments. But I try to do something stupid or random so my friend's don't ask if I'm alright.

I'm starting to cry more than usual now. Holding it back as much as possible though. I hate crying. But it's like it became a daily thing now. Especially when I can't sleep and I'm left with my thoughts. Oh how I long to sleep. Also, I haven't been eating properly. Don't really want to and not as hungry. Been force feeding myself at times. But then I feel sick and it's like I wanna vomit. Worse thing is that I've been pondering if I should make myself vomit whenever that happens...

So many things I want to do. So many urges. OD. Cut. Run.

What happened to me...