I never really had a person close to me past away. So i don't really know the feeling of having to lose someone forever. But when i see my family, cry their eyes out in pain, it makes me think "what in the fck was wrong with you rose? How could you possibly want to do something that will leave them like this?". And even though thoughts like "they wouldn't give a shit. They ignore me anyway. They'll think nothing would have happened" shout so loud in my mind, i know that they would care. Regardless of how many fights or shit i've been through with them.
But yeah, i've never had anyone close being taken away from me. And i hope i never have to experience it right now. It's scary to think how i'd feel and react. I probably would go insane more then i already am. I get so shattered when i lose a friendship. The only good thing about that is i still get to see their face and hear them talk and i still have a chance to mend the friendship and try to get things back to the way they were before. Not being able to do that? Just. I can't grasp the concept of it. I don't ever want that to happen.
So this year, i'm trying my hardest to mend friendships i've stuffed up or have lost due to school. I don't want to lose the chance of still being able to talk to them and regretting it later.
R.I.P.. @];--
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